Alan Johnson in Germany in 1985. Note three days later his face is still deformed from laughing so hard during Tittisee disco incident. |
The rest of the boys in Hinterzarten that summer. FRONT- Hamler, Severson, Langlois, MIDDLE- Sydow BACK-Linus, Petri, Touhy, Twink, Scholl, Humble Coach Bell |
STORY No. 39
ALAN
JOHNSON
Age 60 (the new 30)
Park
City, UT
Athletic
Director, USA Ski Jumping (and many other hats)
How
do you pick one....too many.... I will choose a story that I hope is humorous. It is at someone else's expense
which helps as nothing is truly funny unless it is at someone's expense. At
least, that is my credo.
It
was the summer of 1985 and we were in Hinterzarten, GER for a week training and competition and it
was coaches' “night out” at the disco in Tittisee. We got there just in time… starting to fill
up… but we escaped the line at the front door and settled in at one of the last
available tables with a couple brews. My co-pilot that night was the one and
only SeƱor Rex or more appropriately for this piece- Herr Bell, which will
become apparent as the story unfolds.
A
little background- Rex decided early on that he would NOT be aspiring to become
bi-lingual with German as his 2nd language.
So
halfway through our 1st of several brews, Rex asked where the bathroom was. As
I said previously nothing is truly funny unless it is at someone's expense and
I like to think of myself as an 'opportunist' in this regard. I informed him at
the end of the hall there are 2 doors. The one on the left that says dammen is
the men's room. (Makes sense right? Da’ MEN… German is so easy.)
I
really can't remember who else was there that evening for verification sake.
Hopefully after they read this story they will emerge but I could not have
laughed that hard all by myself.
Meanwhile,
back at the disco...
Rex
entered without noticing the lack of urinals and went straight to a stall to
take care of business (I believe Heizmannshoff Hotel used flax seeds in all
their food). Within a minute of setting up shop, so to speak, Rex noticed that
all the feet visible from his semi-sequestered perch were of the spiked high
heel variety. The dilemma of his situation was just beginning to sink
in...Sheer panic.
Did
I forget to mention Herr Bell is extremely modest?
It
was a long time before Rex could safely emerge as the "Dammen Zimmer"
got very busy. I am not sure how long it was but it seemed like half an hour.
The longer it took, the funnier it became.
Rex
was holed up in the ladies room stall with his feet pulled up off the ground in
a feeble attempt to avoid detection for a long, long time before he could
safely emerge and when he did our guts hurt from laughing and tears ran down
our cheeks..
2
beers at a disco in Hinterzarten disco - 8 Deutschmarks
Rex
stuck in the ladies bathroom stall - Priceless.