USASJ Story Project- Nov 30 JOHNSON

Alan Johnson in Germany in 1985. Note three days later his face
is still deformed from laughing so hard during Tittisee disco incident.

The rest of the boys in Hinterzarten that summer. 
FRONT- Hamler, Severson, Langlois, MIDDLE- Sydow
BACK-Linus, Petri, Touhy, Twink, Scholl, Humble Coach Bell

STORY No. 39

ALAN JOHNSON

Age 60 (the new 30)

Park City, UT

Athletic Director, USA Ski Jumping (and many other hats)

How do you pick one....too many.... I will choose a story that I hope is humorous. It is at someone else's expense which helps as nothing is truly funny unless it is at someone's expense. At least, that is my credo.

It was the summer of 1985 and we were in Hinterzarten, GER  for a week training and competition and it was coaches' “night out” at the disco in Tittisee.  We got there just in time… starting to fill up… but we escaped the line at the front door and settled in at one of the last available tables with a couple brews. My co-pilot that night was the one and only Señor Rex or more appropriately for this piece- Herr Bell, which will become apparent as the story unfolds.

A little background- Rex decided early on that he would NOT be aspiring to become bi-lingual with German as his 2nd language.

So halfway through our 1st of several brews, Rex asked where the bathroom was. As I said previously nothing is truly funny unless it is at someone's expense and I like to think of myself as an 'opportunist' in this regard. I informed him at the end of the hall there are 2 doors. The one on the left that says dammen is the men's room.  (Makes sense right?  Da’ MEN… German is so easy.)

I really can't remember who else was there that evening for verification sake. Hopefully after they read this story they will emerge but I could not have laughed that hard all by myself.

Meanwhile, back at the disco...

Rex entered without noticing the lack of urinals and went straight to a stall to take care of business (I believe Heizmannshoff Hotel used flax seeds in all their food). Within a minute of setting up shop, so to speak, Rex noticed that all the feet visible from his semi-sequestered perch were of the spiked high heel variety. The dilemma of his situation was just beginning to sink in...Sheer panic.

Did I forget to mention Herr Bell is extremely modest?

It was a long time before Rex could safely emerge as the "Dammen Zimmer" got very busy. I am not sure how long it was but it seemed like half an hour. The longer it took, the funnier it became.

Rex was holed up in the ladies room stall with his feet pulled up off the ground in a feeble attempt to avoid detection for a long, long time before he could safely emerge and when he did our guts hurt from laughing and tears ran down our cheeks..

2 beers at a disco in Hinterzarten disco - 8 Deutschmarks

Rex stuck in the ladies bathroom stall - Priceless.